The gift of emotion at a memorial service

Many people have the feeling that it is wrong to cry at a memorial service. "I need to be strong for the family!" However I feel that being real with your feelings is important and can actually be of service to others attending.

Feeling your loved ones's presence after they have gone is an important part of the grieving process. When my father was 89 years old he died suddenly of a heart attack. He and my mother lived right next door to us. Yes we knew that he had heart disease, but he had just been to his doctor the day before and was told that his heart was doing fine. On that day he also worked in his workshop and visited friends in the hospital as well as a visit to play with children in a pre school. His death was a total shock to me and I grieved deeply. I wanted to save all of his clothes for they still had his smell. Once I was shopping in a large supermarket and had my basket filled with organic fruits and vegetables. As I was reaching for bananas I looked up to see a little old man pushing his cart past me. He looked just like my dad. Tears burst from my eyes and I had to run from the store to my car, where I cried for a long time. I missed my father terribly.

Recently I talked with a friend as she was sitting with a woman who was dying. My friend had been there for almost 24 hours just sitting and helping when she could. This was one of her closest friends. Not many people were there that could relieve her, and so she felt that she needed to stay to be present for the actual time when her friend took her final breath. She was tired beyond words, but felt that she needed to keep sitting close to her friend.