Conscious Living and Dying

Feeling your loved ones's presence after they have gone is an important part of the grieving process. When my father was 89 years old he died suddenly of a heart attack. He and my mother lived right next door to us. Yes we knew that he had heart disease, but he had just been to his doctor the day before and was told that his heart was doing fine. On that day he also worked in his workshop and visited friends in the hospital as well as a visit to play with children in a pre school. His death was a total shock to me and I grieved deeply. I wanted to save all of his clothes for they still had his smell. Once I was shopping in a large supermarket and had my basket filled with organic fruits and vegetables. As I was reaching for bananas I looked up to see a little old man pushing his cart past me. He looked just like my dad. Tears burst from my eyes and I had to run from the store to my car, where I cried for a long time. I missed my father terribly.

Then four months after he died I accepted that I would no longer be with my father in his physical form, would no longer hear his voice or feel his energetic hug. I was not happy about this, but I was also not crying everyday. One morning I sat to have a peaceful time and was feeling grateful for my father. Suddenly I "saw" him sitting in front of me. This was not a total visual seeing, but rather a looking through a fog and being able to make out the form of my dad, in a much younger body. His message to me was quick before his image disappeared. "Hey Sis, I have been with you all along since I died. You haven't felt me because you were so busy missing me and crying. That's OK, that process is important. But now that you can feel me I want you to know that I am here for you and always will be. My love has only grown for you. I will be a protecting loving force throughout your life." Then the image was gone, never really to reappear again. But the promise stays with me. And now rather than seeing him, I can feel him in the many beautiful memories that we shared and in the wooden things that he made for me. His love is on going in my life.

Several days before my mother died my brother called from Minneapolis. He had his whole family in the living room and they wanted to sing to my mother. There was quite a bit of fussing over which phone to use to get the maximum sound. Several calls were made back and forth while my mother waited. While all of this was happening I encouraged my mother to say something to them that they would always remember. When the phone situation was finally taken care of she got on the call and said in her sweet gentle voice. "From now on you will not need the phone to hear me, I will speak to you in your heart and you will know that I am there, always loving you."

If you have someone who died and you are missing them, ask for help to feel their presence,in the memories and joys that you shared. If you are quiet and thankful for them, you will get a gentle reminder that they are still with you and loving you.